There are many obvious questions in my situation, most of which cycle through my mind like a ferris wheel, each taking their turn stopped in the loading and unloading area. Why? is one I’ve mentioned before; I have to some extent decided that question is best escorted out of the park by security. What now? however, that one has made a couple trips around now. I wonder if when that one has left the ride if maybe the ride won’t stop going around for a while. That would be nice.
On one hand, so many things haven’t changed. My personality hasn’t changed that much–at least not that I can tell. I’m not more patient or kind or understanding. I’m not significantly less vain. I’m not more or less secure.
Some things have changed for the worse. There are now a thousand triggers that might make something in my brain misfire. I care less about what other people think. I drop the f-bomb with more frequency and drink more than I used to…and I was pretty bad on both counts already.
One thing that might have changed for the better is, in the words Jim Uhls added to Fight Club, the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide.
So what now? There is never any way but forward. Life is shit and life is sweet. We all know that. You just don’t know how sweet yours is.*
* Ha ha. No. You really don't.