Six months and six days. That’s how long it’s been. The six month mark passed without event, in fact even the 14th was pretty good, we even had a rock star dinner guest. Tuesday it all fell apart. Wednesday was back to just ok. And so it goes. Now it’s already Saturday in a WTF kind of speed.
The temperatures have risen to the 80’s and even though ride preparation takes a few fewer seconds and there’s less nose blowing during rides*, it feels far, far too soon. Winters are a quiet kind of sad and still. In a way that was helpful. My soul’s not renewing, so why should the Earth? Anyway, seems all it means is bugs and sweat and wind.
I want to give some kind of meaningful update or information, but everything I’ve already said still holds true. Being reminded of her, or the event, or the loss…any reminders still must be avoided, the pain is still so debilitating. Motivation is still elusive. Your shit is still really fucking petty and I still really don’t want to see your babies.
It still seems like I’m just beating off depression and pain and (honest) sadness and resentment like it’s my full time job. I just want my daughter back. I just want to be a daddy again. I just want my life back.
* There are also a lot more people out riding around the lake, which is so annoying.