I want something I can walk on without watching my feet and holding my arms out for balance. I want to be able to point to something good and solid and real and I want to be able to say, beaming like a little kid, “Yes! That! Always.” Because from where I sit, it seems like the only things that stay are shitty—old injuries, debts, stains, accidents, mistakes, scars, and damage. I’m not saying the good doesn’t matter, it most certainly does, but it takes longer to make a difference, it fades in no time flat, and you can piss away years of it in hours. You can fuck it all up like that even if your intentions are good and the rubble will be just as austere and uncompromising whether or not you really did try to keep it all straight.