A Heartbreaking National Tragedy

It happened one morning, on your drive to work, or while channel surfing on your 400-channel cable-satellite or whatever-mind-numbing-media outlet you feed the desires lurking in your mental cage. The Heartbreaking National Tragedy.

So sudden. So devastating. No one saw it coming. And who could believe it happened? “Honey, did you hear? It’s devastating!” Even the Dr. Pill show is interrupted. Little Cousin (the incestuous child of Big Brother) comes on with pancake-makeup face and shellacked hair carefully arranged to hide his receding hairline….

BREAKING NEWS FROM “C.U.P.” NETWORK: SOMETHING TRAGIC HAPPENED! SEVERAL LIVES WERE LOST!

Apparently, at 10:13 a.m…p.m….b.m….i.m….a national tragedy happened. Americans died. They were in a shuttle…an office building…an airplane…just being Americans. Several lives were lost. Emergency crew members already on the scene say that there are no survivors. What you are about to watch now is a video of the Heartbreaking National Tragedy.</em>